I'd like to start by thanking all the people who warned my idiot sister that she shouldn't take her plans to attack the Fifth Column and put them on a public website where anybody could see them. I'd also like to thank everybody who told her not to put a decoded Fifth Column message up on that same website.

As I said, I'd like to thank those people, but I can't because no such people exist.

But don't start worrying about it now. The Fifth Column is rather concerned that their members will be exposed to inappropriate ideas, so they're running a filter on their central router. I've made a slight change to the code; when they go to my idiot sister's web pages, they'll only see the replacement files that I've set up.

Do you have any idea how tiring it is to write a journal in that style? "Today I saw a kitty-cat!!!!!! And I had ice cream!!!!! I haven't heard from The Hegemon lately!!!!!! I hope she's not dead!!!!!! That would be soooooooo sad!!!!! I decided I'm going to stop looking for the Five Keys because I am denying-the-antecedent and I will abandon my destiny at the least provocation!!!! Mood: Annoying!!!!!!!" It just sets my teeth on edge.

All of that said, I'm pleased that you were able to help my idiot sister recover the Fourth Key, and to remember some of the things she's forgotten about the Thompson Harmonizer. Your next project will be to find the Third Key.

Fill in the blank to complete the following proverb: "It takes a lot to laugh; it takes a ________ to cry". Same rules as usual; replace the word "index" in the URL with your answer and use lowercase letters only.

Most sincerely yours,

-The Hegemon